I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
