john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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