You made me cry and you don't even care
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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