im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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