So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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