I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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