I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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