Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize