We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
