you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
