they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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