Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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