I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
