11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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