He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
