Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
