Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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