this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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