I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
