have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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