I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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