I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
