No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
