Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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