I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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