I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
