now i know why i became what i already was.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
worst night to have a conscience
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
