At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
