Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We smell like vodka and hangover
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