I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
