You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
