I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
