i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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