Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is it penis luge time yet?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
