bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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