I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
