I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
