just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
