morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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