I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
