GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
