It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
