would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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