I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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