I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
