When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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