cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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