Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
