I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
