my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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