grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
