Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
