All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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