her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
