Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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