At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
