dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
