The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
