what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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