Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
