I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
