And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
