i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
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Now he's lighting his socks on fire
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
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Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.