During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK