I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.