Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Do you have a shampoo for semen

(604): View more from British Columbia

Or a time machine

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(407): View more from Florida

I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."

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(407): View more from Florida

I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(920): View more from Wisconsin

Now he's lighting his socks on fire

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(510): View more from California

EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

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(823): View more from

Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?

(651): View more from Minnesota

its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me

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(443): View more from Maryland

a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.

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