ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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