Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
