my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
